Looking Back
by KuchikiRose
Summary: Kuchiki Rukia is Captain of the Thirteenth Division in the middle of a war.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters... though that would be nice:)**

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><p>Thirteenth Division Captain Kuchiki Rukia sat at a low table neatly occupied by stacks of paperwork. Outside, the sound of hammering could be heard as construction workers labored to repair those parts of the Kuchiki manor that had been damaged in the last attack. Stoically sipping a steaming cup of tea, she closed her eyes and willed herself to relax in the relative peace and quiet.<p>

Peace.

Something that was in considerably short supply these days.

Staring down at the documents before her, hand poised above the ink pot, Rukia allowed the tiniest bit of a smile to tug at the corners of her mouth. There had been a time when the task of filling out paperwork had been nuisance, one of the downsides to being a captain (or vice-captain, for that matter). She could still remember the uproar that used to come from the Tenth Division headquarters every time Matsumoto had found some way to duck out of her duties as vice-captain. It was enough to turn any captain's hair white.

As quick as it had come, the amusement faded, the smile being replaced by a more somber expression. If it was possible, Captain Hitsugaya seemed colder than ever, and Rukia wondered if, by the time this war was over, she too would be blaming herself for the death of one of her subordinates.

Stupid question. Rukia knew that, no matter what anyone said, she would always carry some responsibility for the deaths of those who served her division. It was a burden she had accepted when she had become captain.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of her mind, she returned to the task at hand, determined to finish. It didn't last long.

"Ne, BUNNY-CHAN!"

Rukia's eye twitched in annoyance as 34 lb.'s of pink haired energy latched onto her back, causing her pen to jerk and leave a black streak across the paper.

"What do you want, Yachiru?"

"Ken-chan's napping and Baldy's sparring and Izurun's out drinking with Boobies and I'm bored!"

"And you expect me to . . .?"

"PLAY WITH ME!"

Rukia sighed. She still had no idea how Nii-sama had managed to deal with this on a daily basis. Her irritation grew as the five year old vice-captain slid onto her lap and stuck a sugar sticky hand underneath her captain's robe.

". . . What are you doing?"

"Where are they?" Yachiru's high pitched voice was muffled as she stuck her head under the garments.

"Where are what?" Rukia growled, pulling her out by the collar of her uniform.

Yachiru's face was wide and innocent as she answered. "The treats!"

"The . . . WHA-?" Rukia's face reddened as she temporarily was at a loss for words. But the child only crossed her arms and pouted.

"Bya-kun always kept treats hidden away."

As realization dawned on her, Rukia quickly shoved a sweet bun into Yachiru's mouth to hide her embarrassment. At least, she thought it was a sweet bun. Could have been a paperweight.

Mention of her brother's name had brought up memories she'd rather not revisit.

It had been in the winter, six months after the war had started. It was the first time the enemy had attacked Seireitei directly.

_"All divisions report to stations! We are under attack!" The urgent voice issued from the hovering black butterfly. "Repeat: All divisions report to your commanding officers!"_

_About a hundred thoughts raced through Rukia's mind as she sped away from the thirteenth division training ground. Would this battle be the one to end it all? Up until then, the enemy had carefully planned each of it's moves with precision. What was their reason for attacking Seireitei? They couldn't really be strong enough to take on the combined force of all thirteen divisions?_

_An explosion sounded in the distance, and the anxious feeling in her stomach grew. Another explosion, and a building not fifty feet ahead of her collapsed, crushed by an enormous clawed hand._

_Staring up into the face of the enormous demon that leered down at her, Rukia was astonished. She herself had only engaged a few of the enemy directly - if this was their work, what else could they do?_

_Her hand flew to the hilt of her Zanpakutou, but before she could draw, someone yelled 'Zaraki!', which, in their division, had also come to mean 'Duck and cover!'. Rukia threw herself to the side of the road just in time to avoid being run over by the trigger happy eleventh division captain._

_"ALL RIGHT! BRING IT ON!" Kenpachi roared, launching himself at the monster._

_'Well, that's pretty much taken care of.' Rukia thought, recovering herself. Hearing a commotion behind her, she turned to see what looked like a pack of wolves swarming over the rooftops to attack her team/division mates. There was just enough time to draw her zanpakutou before one of them threw itself at her. With little time to think and less time to act, Rukia held her blade straight out in front of her, so that the beast ended up impaling itself, jaws snapping shut just inches from her face. For a moment she stared into it's burning, hate filled eyes before it's lifeless corpse slid off her blade and dissolved into dust. Turning to the rest, she activated her Shikai._

_"Tsugi no Mai." Touching her blade to the ground four times, Rukia took aim. "Hakuren!" There was a blinding white light before a blast of ice issued forth, annihilating everything in it's path. Those wolves that had managed to survive were quickly eliminated by the back up forces that had begun to arrive._

_Deciding there was nothing more to do here, Rukia leapt to the roof of the nearest building to get a better vantage point. The first thing she noticed was what looked like two figures in a mid air standoff some distance away. Shading her eyes against the sun, she was able to recognize one of them._

_"Nii-sama. . ." She whispered._

_She'd never seen his opponent before, though the sword he wielded seemed unnervingly similar to a shinigami's zanpakutou. Rukia felt the change in spiritual pressure as Byakuya activated his Bankai._

_"Ukitake-taichou!" Rukia turned to see the rest of her division gathering around their captain. Leaping down to join them, she forced down any feeling of apprehension. Her brother would be fine. He was a captain after all..._

Rukia sighed as she set aside her pen, giving up on paper work. She hadn't even noticed when his spiritual pressure had disappeared. There had been so much going on. It wasn't until she had been discharged from the infirmary the following morning that Renji had brought her the news. And even then she hadn't totally believed it. Not until she'd seen him...

_Ignoring the stabbing pain in her side and Renji's shouts for her to stop, Rukia ran the rest of the way back to the Kuchiki Manor. Bursting through the front doors, she shouldered her way through the crowd that had gathered in the front room._

_"Nii-sama-!" Rukia caught a glimpse of her brother's face before someone grabbed her roughly by the arm, pulling her back._

_"Let go of me!" She cried, struggling._

_"Rukia, stop! There's nothing you can do!" Renji said as gently as he could while still keeping a firm grip on her arm. Rukia stared at him blankly, watching his face soften slightly as he said, "I'm sorry."_

_She then noticed the stares of the people around her, their whispers as they regarded her in her disheveled and undignified state. She didn't notice when Renji let go of her arm and moved to stand supportively behind her, looking instead to where her brother lay, looking as noble and dignified as when she had last saw him. He wasn't...He couldn't be..._

_"Compose yourself, Kuchiki Rukia." Rukia gradually tore her gaze away from her brother to stare at the old woman before her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognized her as the oldest living members of the Kuchiki clan._

_"Do not forget your obligation to this clan." She continued. "Your brother's duty is now your own."_

Rukia touched the kenseikan that adorned her hair. There had been some disapproval among the Kuchiki elders about her succession as head of clan. A street urchin from Rukongai? Her adoption all those years ago had been considered somewhat scandalous. Since then, she'd managed to prove herself to most of them. For others, nothing she did would ever be enough.

Her attention was drawn to the Hell Butterfly that flitted through the window, coming to a stop in front of her.

"Kuchiki-taichou," The voice said. "Please report at once for a captain's meeting."

"Understood." Rukia replied, slowly rising.

"YAY! I'll get Ken-chan!" Yachiru declared as she bounded away.

Making her way along the path to the first division headquarters, Rukia passed several members from her own division.

"Kuchiki-taichou!" They greeted her, bowing respectfully as was custom.

However Rukia found the action still somewhat unfamiliar. She'd never intended to be captain - the thought had never once crossed her mind. It had been enough when Byakuya had relented and allowed her to accept the position of vice captain. By then she had achieved her Bankai, though, nobody had known it yet. She had kept it secret at first, not being the show off type that Ichigo and Renji were. She could still remember the first time she had achieved it. Months of meditation jinzen and practice had culminated in one critical moment.

_There was a splash of red, and then Rukia was on her knees, Sode No Shirayuki slipping from her hand to land on the blood soaked grass. She hadn't even seen it coming - the attack had been that fast. One moment she thought she had him, and the next the heavy blade of his sickle was ripping through her side. Now he just stood there, chuckling lightly as he cleaned the blood off the blade._

_"You're determined, I'll give you that." He said, gathering up the chain that connected the handles of his dual weapons. "But I've got places to be, things to do, you know? I can't afford to waste too much time on you." He began walking toward her, but Rukia didn't really notice, because she was caught between two worlds. There was the field where their brief fight had taken place, with it's bright, now almost blinding sunlight. Then there was the world that seemed to overlap it. Faintly at first but slowly becoming clearer Rukia noticed that snow had begun to fall around her. Slowly the ground became covered in it, the grass of the field disappearing under the layer of white. The sky darkened to an ashy gray, and the fading figure of her opponent was replaced by that of a woman, clad in a white kimono, with hair as white as the new fallen snow._

_"It's time, child." She said softly, kneeling in front of Rukia, whose eyes widened in response._

_"But . . . how? I've never come anywhere close to succeeding before. I can't even -" her voice broke as the woman placed a hand on her cheek._

_"Why do you fight, Rukia?" She asked. Startled by the abrupt question, Rukia was silent for a moment as scenes from her life flashed through her mind, like a movie set to fast forward. She was an orphan in Rukongai, helping a couple of other kids get away from an angry water merchant, making sure the youngest children didn't go without, standing up to the bullies that sought to dominate those weaker than them._

_"I fight," She began, her voice barely a whisper, "for those who cannot fight for themselves." Now she was sitting alone in a tower, next to the only window, wondering if she should dare to hope as far below, people fought to change her fate, all led by a certain orange haired idiot._

_"I fight," She continued, stronger, "for those who have fought for me." She saw the faces of her friends: Ichigo and Renji, Inoue and Tatsuki, Sado, Ishida, Kon..._

_"And I will always fight," she declared, looking the woman straight in the eye "to protect those dearest to me."_

_The woman smiled, the icy blue of her eyes holding Rukia's violet gaze. "Then call me, child, and I will aide you. But you must be strong."_

_Then Rukia was back in the real world, pulled out of her trance as her enemy yanked her up by her hair._

_"Man, you're really out of it, huh?" He laughed, pressing the blade of his weapon against her throat. Leaning close, he hissed in her face, "You listening to me? I'm asking you how you want to die."_

_Rukia's gaze was unfocused for a moment, and she thought she could recognize the faint outline of a white clad figure standing before her._

_Call me..._

_"Sode no..."_

_The image was becoming clearer now, blue eyes boring straight into her soul._

_"Eh? What was that? You better speak up!" He shook her, causing Rukia to wince. Then she met his gaze and smirked._

_"Shirayuki." As if by magic, she felt the hilt of her zanpakutou in her hand again. With every last ounce of her strength, she tore herself free of his grip, whipping her sword out in front of her._

_"Bankai!" She screamed._

_And then the world exploded around her._

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><p><strong>AN**

**Soooooooo, yeah, there it is. I originally planned it all to be one chapter, but in the interest of personal motivation I'm posting this part now. Hopefully chapter two will be up before long.**

**This is my first fic - I guess you could call it a test run. If you've read it, please review(honestly). Constructive criticism is appreciated just as much as praise.**

**Thanks:)**


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